November 15, 2010

Money Troubles (Again…)

Money is the root of all evil but, at the same time, money can buy you happiness. I know, it’s a conflicting thought but right now, money is excruciatingly evil when you don’t have it and I know for a fact, that if I had lots of it at my disposable, I would be deliriously happy. Especially right now.

I am dealing with so much financial stress and worry (what else is new, really?!). So much so that it’s actually causing me to regret my choice to come to Germany right now. I have debt back home that I am struggling to pay and it’s negatively affecting my experience here and my future life back home. I can’t get money back to the states without jumping through hoops or relying on other people to help. And that doesn’t always work. My parents can’t really help me with my debt and why should they have to? It’s not their problem. I know that I have horrible saving and spending habits and I’m not proud of the fact that I can’t manage to stick to any budgets that I make for myself.  I am already dealing with two months worth of late payments on my credit card and, as a result, my minimum payment has been raised $35 making it even more impossible for me to manage due dates. Because raising my minimum doesn’t help at all. I have a dental bill that requires $96 a month and as of December 28th, my student loans are going to start needing to be paid.

The more late fees I have on my credit card, the more my credit score is affected and if I have a low credit score I can say goodbye to renting my own apartment, leasing my own car, and other important life-building things like that. So… hopefully I can figure this out and I don’t resent my year abroad for the rest of my life. Which is what I don’t want. Right now, money is making part of my experience here in Germany very unsatisfying. If I had known I was going to be dealing with these problems consistently, I wouldn’t have come here and would have just hoped that my money problems would have dissipated later in life so that I would someday be able to go to Europe. But hey, I’m here now so I am trying to make the best of it but the sacrifice that I’m making doesn’t seem balanced. My credit score is going to get butchered and when I get home, I’ll be working my ass off trying to save myself. I hope it’s a fair trade in the end.

I can attempt to budget and try to get this all sorted out but I feel like I’ve been trying to do that for six months already. And it has yet to work or relieve me of this stress. What’s the point of being abroad if I can’t afford to enjoy it?

Being grown up and responsible for one self is overrated.

I promise I have something good to blog about next time. Consider this vented.


Alena said...

I am sorry that this is causing you stress :( I thought I'd make a suggestion, as someone who also has student loans - they will work with you, if you tell them the situation. Defferments are great things, and they do not affect your credit score. Hope that helps *hugs*

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