Bang! Just a Bunch of Bullet Points

Recently, worthy content for this blog has been neglected (sort of) and my life, as of late, has become a series of bullet points:

• My camera is still out of commission and is worse off than it was when I first spoke of it’s misfortune. Now I fear that it is completely screwed and that it will no longer be of service to me. Sad face but hey, lesson learned. The really hard way.

• The weather in Munich is shaping up. It is showing signs of spring and temperatures are up in the 40’s (some 50 degree days last week!) and the sun has made a few appearances, too. Unfortunately, there has also been rain and blustery cold but no more snow. For that, I am eternally grateful.

• I went to the Munich Readery on Thursday and got myself a new book. I was in dire need of some new material – I’ve been doing crossword puzzles before bed for almost two months. Finally something to read – I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. So far, so good. It’s almost 900 pages and is, thus far, a bit slow but I love the author (She’s Come Undone!!!!) so we’ll see if it shapes up to be a winner in the end.

 

• Things in the au pair household have been pretty monochromatic. Nothing very exciting to speak of. I bought the girls a small Valentine’s Day present – little unicorn toys that change color in the water – just to let them know that I think of them and love them. We also made a special present for their mom for V Day. (Well, I thought of it, funded it, and put it together. Haha.) I got a double sided picture frame and put two pictures of them in either side and the girls made her each a homemade Valentine’s Day card. I’ll put them all on the table before breakfast in the morning. Just a nice little holiday treat for everyone. Except me. Haha.

• Last week Fionualla bought the two of us plane tickets to Cologne for March 11-14th. We’re missing carnival, unfortunately, and that’s entirely my fault for mixing up my vacation time but it will be nice to get out and go somewhere new anyway. She has a friend from home who lives there so we get free accommodation and have a built-in tour guide. It will be good!

• German beer has made this past week/weekend a crazy one. It all started on Tuesday night where I managed to belt out a pretty awesome rendition of Shania Twain’s Any Man of Mine at the karaoke bar and then on Thursday, we had a wild night at a local ToyTown meet-up that was serving free shots of Jaegermeister with every beer purchased. That never ends well, as we’ve experienced twice before at this same bar. Haha. On Friday night, we said goodbye to Eric who has left Munich for a few months and had a delicious leaving dinner at a great Croatian restaurant here in Munich called, Opatija. I called it an early night and went home but caught up with my crazy friends on Saturday night. A family friend was in town so Oma Kathe brought him into Munich so he could meet my friends and hang out. His family is kind of like my surrogate family so we got along really fast and had a great night out with my friends. I’m planning on going to Garmisch next weekend to visit them again. I also got to see some old friends, Helena and Zainab, who were in town visiting from England. I didn’t see very much of them - we all had our own things going on - but it was good to see them again, even for the little bit that we were together. Now I’m looking forward to slowing down a little bit this week to re-evaluate my alcohol tolerance levels and practice some much needed self control. Haha.

 

• I still have a lot of things left to do/document on my “52 Things in Munich” list. This will resume shortly! I’ve been kind of busy/lazy/uninspired lately so I will get back on it!

• Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hi. My Name is Heather and I’m Addicted to Technology.

(This one is a bit random and somewhat off topic for this blog but it has to do with me being in Germany… I think. Yeah… okay, it does. Somewhere near the end it becomes relevant. Bear with me.)

I’ve been a fan of technology for as long as I can remember.

I was 7 years old when I got my first Walkman and I’d upgraded to a Discman by the time I was 10. My family always had a computer – nothing fancy in the beginning but I was pretty damn good at Duke Nukem and, at the age of 7, I had mastered Mickey’s 123: The Big Surprise Party (I just got the most amazing wave of nostalgia watching that YouTube video. WOW. Also, only a seven year old would have the patience for that game. Oy vey.)

I was eleven, and halfway through the 5th grade when I started using the Internet. I hadn’t really cared much for it until I found out that Hanson was going to be doing a live chat on DisneyChannel.com and I ABSOLUTELY HAD TO BE THERE. When my mom and step-dad messed up the time zones and I found out that I missed the chat, I cried hysterically and threw a tantrum on the kitchen floor that unfit for an eleven-year-old. (I hope my mom remembers that one.) I cried and cried and cried until my mom let me go on the computer to find out when the next one was and then somehow, through that research process, I found myself immersed in a world of instant messaging, fan sites, online computer games, and web design.

At the age of 12 I taught myself how to write HTML and created my first web page, “All About Heather,” hosted by the now defunct Geocities in the “Enchanted Forest” sub-domain. As the years passed, I used the Internet (AOL namely) to fuel to my obsession with Hanson. I made friends all over the world through Hanson role play chat rooms (don’t ask), Hanson tag chat rooms (I said, DON’T ASK), Hanson fan fiction websites, and random early versions of social networking sites. By the time I hit the 8th grade, my mom had to put time limits on my AOL account because I was so addicted to the Internet. One hour a night. That was it.

In high school, I moved between two states and three different schools. My social life was not very active and it took me a while to make friends during the transitions. My friends on the Internet didn’t go anywhere. They moved with me! In my junior year, I managed to get ahold of Photoshop and Macromedia Dreamweaver and I taught myself how to use both of them. Then I took a web design class and ended up teaching 75% of the lessons for my teacher. By my senior year, and well into college, I was able to design beautiful web layouts, could transfer them to Dreamweaver where I made fluid, PHP websites and I could upload them online using an FTP (File Transfer Protocol) program and I could go back and make updates, edit pages, and fix broken links without a second thought to any of it. During my sophomore year of college, I took an advanced web design class (I thought I wanted to double major in graphic design) and I learned how to create basic websites and programs using Flash.

I have a point to this story – I swear. Using clever anecdotes, I’m trying to demonstrate how technology has affected my life. I’m sure the story isn’t much different for most people. Especially since Facebook started taking over the world, everyone is connected to everyone and everything. Movies, products, businesses, etc, don’t even have real webpages anymore they have Facebook pages. But as much as I want to sit here and complain about how much Facebook has taken over the world, I can’t… because I would be destitute without it. Okay… maybe not destitute… but I’d be pretty damn sad.

For the last week or so my Facebook chat hasn’t been working. It says I’m offline when I’m not. It tells all of my friends that I’m not online when I try to send them messages. It sends me back all of my messages two or three times and half of the time, I’m not even sure that my messages went through at all. Basically, I haven’t been able to use Facebook chat for a week and I’m really upset about it. I only have about six or seven active contacts on Skype and although all of them are important to me, they make up about 1/16 of the important people in my life that I want to talk to while I’m thousands of miles away in Germany. Not to mention, Facebook chat is really great for planning stuff and communicating with local friends. Needless to say, I have been getting anxious and feeling crazy and alone – not being connected to my world of contacts. MY WORLD OF CONTACTS. Through Facebook. This sounds ridiculous, even to me.

I wish I could find an online graphic of it but once upon a time, when I was about 16, I cut out a Zits comic strip from the newspaper because it held so much relevance to me. It was a discussion between the teenage character, Jeremy, and his mom. I think she was questioning him about being on his computer too long talking to his friends. Something like that, anyway. And as a justification, Jeremy says, “I think, therefore I.M.”

What is the world coming to? Where would we be if we didn’t have the Internet – Facebook and its seemingly infinite possibilities for social connection, instant message and video chat services, SMS, wireless iPods and cell phones with Internet service, BlackBerry Messaging, email, blogs, Wikipedia, YouTube, online banking, online shopping, online everything. Nothing has escaped the world of technology, it seems.

I wouldn’t have this au pair job without the internet, without Google and it’s search capacity for au pair agencies and international contacts, or without Facebook status updates because, honestly, that’s how this whole thing started. A friend updated about her au pair experience in Munich and nine months later, I took over her job. And now that I don’t have a real job, now that I spend 3/4 of my day without working responsibilities, I am on the computer more than I can ever remember. Is it unhealthy? Am I living a normal life? I can walk away from it if I have plans and somewhere to go but if I’m at home during my off hours, without an agenda or a good book to read, at least, then I’m on Facebook, I’m blogging, I’m listening to music, I’m on YouTube, I’m catching up on blog subscriptions.

I’m kind of afraid of this dependency. And it’s not just the Internet. If someone were to ask me what I would take with me if my house were burning down, I’d grab my iPod. I would be depressed if I didn’t have my music in my hand, any time that I wanted it. I am programmed on a really high dependency. It’s scary. This last week of my life has made this bittersweet and somewhat sad but realistic truth painfully clear to me.

My name is Heather. And I am addicted to technology.

I Get Paid to Do Stuff Like This (Part 2)

I shouldn’t have to explain why my job is so great. I’ll let the pictures do the talking on this one. Also, it should be noted that when I was in the 1st grade I pretty much won every coloring contest that Mrs. Miller threw at me. I mean, I’m not bragging or anything but…. skills like that really shouldn’t be wasted.

Money Is the True “Sturm und Drang” of This Experience

Due to all of the financial drama that I’ve been dealing with lately, I’ve officially made the decision to return to California next summer. There had been lofty talk of me staying here in Munich and living a fancy European life but I have so many financial obligations back in the States that I have no choice but to return and sort them out. I have credit cards, one that I pay and one that mom pays, which totals to about $7,000 and a dental bill that is somewhere around $1,200. When I first arrived to Germany, I was paying them off with my graduation money (bummer!) but since that’s run out, I tried to resort to my au pair money but that fell through due to outrageous bank transfer fees. So now I’m begging both of my parents to help me out until I can figure out how to do it on my own from all the way over here. It makes me feel really irresponsible and stupid for not having a definite plan but I’m really grateful for their help, wherever and whenever they can give it. Right now, I’m dealing with monthly payments of about $180 and come November, my student loan payments ($41,000 total!) will start up. So I need to call them and put them in forbearance. Not that I have any idea how to do that…

So, in total, at (almost) 24 years old I am nearly $50,000 in debt. Damn. Being a grown up is hard to get used to. I guess I won’t officially be a grown up until I’m done with my European vacation from reality. That’s what next summer will be then… a fast track back to reality and a crap load of catching up. Fortunately, I have my mama and a home to go back to that is virtually rent free (give or take some compromising) so that I can rebuild my credit score, get a job, and work my way back to independence.

The hardest part about planning to go back home right now is figuring out when to return and buying the plane ticket. Because I only bought a one way ticket to begin with, I now have to buy a return ticket and I’ve been having trouble finding anything under $900. Fortunately, Air Berlin has gone online with their cheap ticket prices and I’ve been able to find Thursday departures for $660. Which is pretty good considering. Unfortunately, I can only leave on a Thursday. There are Monday flights for $700 as well but we’ll see if prices go down over the next few months. (And where is the money for this plane ticket going to come from? I have no idea. Hopefully the Frau, if I’m lucky.) My contract with the family is over on June 15th and my au pair visa expires on June 23rd so I figure I can return home just before July and celebrate the 4th with my friends and family. It’d be nice to travel and see other parts of Europe (hopefully I’ll do that before summer comes around) but I don’t know how much money I’ll have or what my situation will be. It’s smartest for me to just buy my plane ticket now and work my life around my departure. Anyway, I plan to do a two week Eurotrip in the spring, so hopefully I’ll have had my fill of traveling. By then, I think I’ll be ready to go home come the end of June.

So, to all my friends and family members back in California… I’ll see you in 8 months! And to everyone who resides here in Germany or England or wherever… I have the rest of my life to come back and I promise you that I will! If I’ve done it once, I have no reason not to do it again. Don’t worry. My life has only just begun.

How To Waste Your College Degree

On May 22nd, 2010 I graduated from California State University Monterey Bay after five years of higher education with a Bachelor’s degree in Liberal Studies, a minor in Child Development, and a cum laude honors distinction for a consistently stellar GPA. With this degree I can work in a preschool as a teacher or in a high position at a child development center. I could even go on to grad school and earn a teaching credential, a Master’s degree in Early Child Education or child development, and eventually teach the subject at high school or college level. All of these things I’ve considered as possible options for my near and not so distant future.

However, I chose the path less traveled and chose to go abroad. I’ll call it my gap year – between where education ends and real life begins. I’m postponing reality for a little bit and, instead, I’m living inside of a dream. Being an au pair is a wonderful thing. I’m decidedly overqualified for this position seeing as most au pairs are fresh out of high school, 18 or 19 years old, with little experience in child care but a strong desire for some good cultural renewal. I have ten years of experience and I’ve worked professionally as a child care provider for more than five years of those. Even though my learning emphasizes on education, it’s safe to say that I have a degree in child care. I am, simply put, an au pair extraordinaire.

My au pair position requires little responsibility. I tidy up, empty the dishwasher, make snacks and dinner, play card games and puzzles, sing songs, and go on bike rides. I’m free everday from 7:30 AM until about 4 or 5 PM. And the day ends around 7:30 PM. It’s a charmed life, to say the least. There is little exercise of my college education and even though I’m working with children all the time, there’s not a lot of developmental aid going into our time together.

I am truly wasting my college degree.

I’m not complaining. I love what I’m doing here. These kids love me and I’m giving them something meaningful, even if it’s not an education or a lesson in their proper development. And I’m experiencing something new, something I never would have been able to do if I’d gone right into the working world. I’m learning a new language and making new friends, building my character and my perseverance. I am, however, afraid that when I am ready to go out into the working world – I’m going to have forgotten everything that I need to know to be a professional, working adult in my field of choice. I could easily order some child development and education text books and keep my mind fresh but that’s expensive. Eventually, I’ll get around to this. But for now… this is what I’ve been doing as a graduated, college educated 20-something adult:

• Blogging. This is the most obvious of my recent past times. I love doing it. It’s therapeutic in a way that only a blogger could understand. It’s less of a stigma than it used to be so I have no problems bragging about my interests and addictions to blogging. I love being able to share my experiences with friends and family members and anyone else who is interested in my crazy life. I bet that even when I do become a professional adult, I’ll probably blog about that too. Diary of an Ex-Au Pair: How My Year Abroad Prepared Me For My Life Ahead. Or something like that…

• Pirating. It’s probably dangerous for me to say this on here because it’s most likely illegal but I’ve become quite the pirate since I arrived in Germany. It might have something to do with lack of English television exposure and a financial inability to access movies and music but I’ve taken to downloading whatever I want. I’m not selling it to anyone, my iPod is the only one who benefits besides myself. If I want to watch a movie, I just download it. New music, okay. Dexter Season 4? You got it! Harry Potter DVD marathon? Kein problem! My iPod is readily stocked, my computer slowly filling up with illegal contraband. This is how you use your college degree to the least of your ability. Let’s just hope I don’t end up in jail.

• Reading. I’ve read so many books since I first got here that I can’t even keep track. This is a worthy past time, of course, since reading is one of the best things in the world. Especially when you happen across a really good book. I’ve read a few good ones – The Time Travelers Wife and Handle With Care being two of my favorites. Right now, I’m starting in again on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in preparation for the seventh movie which releases in just a few months. I got the UK version of the novel from a used bookstore here in Munich and I love it.

• Writing. Once upon a time, it was my secret dream to someday be a published novelist. I did try – numerous times – to make something of myself but I always fell short with lost and forgotten plotlines, dead ends, writers block, lack of time or interest, and Hanson fan fiction. You don’t get anywhere writing fan fiction. I don’t think I am meant to be published. It’s a fun hobby though. I haven’t done much of it since I arrived here but I think I’m going to try again and I’m going to start small, combining my love for fiction and blogging and write a ‘blovel.’ I have a few ideas. One that involves vampires. I know, so cliche, isn’t it? So, if I really succeed at wasting my degree in education, I can just become a writer and make millions of dollars and never use my education, anyway.

• Movies. Another thing that I’ve been doing. I brought a few DVDs with me. And the Frau has a small collection. Plus, what I’ve downloaded and the few that I’ve seen in the theaters. I’m making my way through the second series of Everwood (kind of of on stand-still at the moment) and the Sex and the City series and I have to say that I am in love with the latter. I can’t believe I never watched it before. I probably wouldn’t have understood it or related to it. Now, every few episodes, I think, “Oh my God, I know!!” Haha. It’s so addicting, I’m absolutely in love with them. After S&theC, it’s on to Desperate Housewives. In the in-between I’ve watched Nanny Diaries, (500) Days of Summer, Jurassic Park, Shutter Island, The Time Travelers Wife, Jennifer’s Body, and Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. In the theaters I’ve seen Eclipse, The Karate Kid, and Inception. It’s a hard knock life, ain’t it?

• Alcoholism. Okay, that’s a joke. But since half of my family thinks I’m headed down this road, I’m making a joke out of it. Everyone in Munich is an alcoholic. Social alcoholics, galore! Sure, this city is pretty amazing and there is a lot to do but it’s so much more fun when you’re enjoying delicious German brew. I can’t make you believe me about how good it is until you’ve tried it so until you do, take my word for it. The bier here is worth becoming an alcoholic, trust me. Ha. That’s a joke too, but seriously. If there were a college degree for beer drinking, I’d be suma cum laude for sure!

• Music. I don’t consider this a waste of my anything because music is kind of like my life blood. Without it, life would be so much less worth living. It all started with Hanson and the Spice Girls back when I was buck-toothed and all gangly and awkward. They sparked an interest and then it grew into something wild. Now, all I ever do when I’m out on my bike or traveling by UBahn is put on some tunes and rock out. Lately it’s been a lot of Angus & Julia Stone, Ray LaMontagne, David Gray, Jack Johnson, and Maroon 5. But it’s always something new, something different. I can’t even listen to it all, there’s not enough time in the day. But this is definitely a worthy way to spend my “gap year.”

• Sleeping. I definitely did not get enough of this in college so why not catch up on it now – when I’m free most of the day and before I have to join the working world of 6 am mornings and 9-5 days. Okay, I’m already waking up at 6 am now that die kinder are in school but at 7:30, 8 o’clock I usually just go back to bed – sometimes until 2. I’m not going to get to do that when I start using my degree. So, I’ll take advantage of it now.

And last but certainly not least…

• Facebook. It’s taking over the world. Why shouldn’t I let it take over my hard earned education too? Seriously, ask any one of my friends here in Germany and they’ll tell you that I’m on Facebook all the time. My life is just that. Facebook. Or so it seems. I’m not really doing anything substantial either. Just stalking people, pretty much. Uploading pictures, posting links, you know… the usual stupid boring Facebook stuff. It’s amazing how much time that usual stupid boring stuff consumes. And because it is all consuming, in the near future, I will be combining an aforementioned past time (movies) with this past time (Facebook) and will go see this movie:

And that, my dear readers, is how you successfully waste your college degree.

Just a Little Quickie…

A short update…

I went to get my stitches removed this morning by one of my fellow au pair’s host-mom who is a doctor. And I was so blessed and grateful to have her do that for me but the stitches did not close my wound! It’s closed within, so there is no blood and you can’t see my insides or anything… but the skin didn’t close up. And I’m not surprised because I have had to walk around everywhere I go. So I am going to her office tomorrow morning to get some Steri-Strips and hopefully the skin will graft. Sigh. ANNOYING. Never go run on broken glass, got it?!

Oh, and I just got home from the first performance of a local neighborhood cirucs, which the girls are in. They run around as sparkly butterflies. It’s a children’s circus with unicycles and acrobats and stuff, nothing too crazy. But it’s set up outside and the show is under this huge tent which is SUFFOCATINGLY hot. So we’re all sitting inside there DYING. Seriously, I almost died. I was sweating so much, I could smell the salt on my skin. I could feel the sweat drips rolling down my back, down the side of my face, pooling everywhere. GROSS. I know, sorry. Anyway… they were selling those little paper fans and so the Frau’s mom, the Oma, went to get some and came back with two so the Frau gave me one. Well, of course, Vee sees that we have them so she comes over and takes the Frau’s fan. Because five year olds that don’t sweat really need them. And then Eenie sees what’s going on and she runs over and walks up to me, “Hezzah, can I have that?” She pretty much just took it from me. And then the Frau made her give it back to me.

Oma leaves and then comes back about five minutes later.

“I couldn’t buy one for Eenie (even though she said her whole first name which is weird, no one does that). They’re sold out. Do you want to use my hat as a fan?”

“…. Okay.”

She proceeds to take the fan from me so that Eenie and Vee can have paper fans. Oh my God. REALLY? And guess what happens as soon as Eenie gets it? She breaks it. I’m not even kidding. Like thirty seconds in.

“Hezzah, can I have yours?” Eenie asks me.

“That was mine,” I say with a smile. “Sorry, sweetie.”

Twenty minutes later, Vee asks me the same question.

Oy vey.

Junk My Stuff? Yes, please.

In the process of moving out of my apartment and organizing for my trip, I’ve come to quite a few realizations about myself as a consumer:

• I really, really, really like to buy notebooks, crayons, coloring books, and other types of cutesy creative things. In theory, they’re great but in practice, not so useful. My notebook fetish is the worst one. I found at least ten notebooks throughout my room, of varying sizes and styles, each with about three to ten pages filled with journal writing, fiction attempts or novel ideas, or sparsely filled with random notes. None of which are full or even worth having because the turnover rate is so high. Don’t set me loose in the stationary section at Borders. I’ll walk out with $15 worth of blank paper and no real intention to actually use it. The crayons are bad too because I only like new crayons. When one box of crayons is all used up and worthless to me (which means I’ve probably used them about three or four times) then I just buy more. Why? And for what? I don’t know. And don’t get me started on the coloring books. I love coloring books but like I said, in theory. I don’t actually color in them. Hopefully this fetish will come in handy when I someday have my own children. Until then, stop buying crayons and coloring books. Duh.

 

• For a girl who often cries while shopping and only wears the same 15 combination-outfits, I have a lot of clothes. Clothes that have been traveling with me through the years but that I never wear. If I haven’t worn it in at least six months, I feel that it is fairly useless to me. And there are actually clothes in there that I haven’t worn in a year! Why do I have them? What purpose are they serving me? Two thirds of what is in my closet and drawers, doesn’t even fit me. It’s time to shed some garments. I can only imagine the kind of money I would spend, and the kind of closet space I would need if I could actually fit in the sizes that they sell at every store. Sure, they have great plus size stores like Torrid and Lane Bryant but my body just doesn’t work with those clothes. I do not carry my weight like an average plus-size person. Plus-size shirts hang on me. Plus size jeans sag at my crotch and don’t sit right at my waist. Belts are never big enough, they don’t perform the way they are supposed to. My hips are trying to get to high heaven. They’re worthless when it comes to holding up a pair of jeans. Therefore, I have to wear clothes that fit a little too snug, that give me a muffin top, that break out the backdoor-boobs… because it’s either that or wear clothes that are too big. And that, I firmly believe, is much worse. I really think it’s time to prune through my wardrobe. This is ridiculous.
  
  
• I love printing pictures. I don’t even know what to do with all of the pictures that I have printed. A photo album would be the best solution but do you know how hard it is to store photo albums? Have you ever tried to lift a box full of photo albums? They’re heavy. I have at least five different places where I’ve been storing printed pictures. A photo-organizer, filing folders, Costco Photo Center bags, boxes. And they’ve been in these things for years. I just keep carting them around. And yes, I do put up a lot of picture frames but they’re usually current photos and the old prints get shoved into random places for storage. Sure they’re fun to look at three years later when you’re too lazy to sift through Facebook photo albums but, honestly, they’re just taking up room. They’re all on my computer, backed up in external hard drive. But I feel bad throwing them away. It’s like disrespecting memories or something. I don’t even know what to do.
  
  
• I have a hard time letting go of material items. It’s getting easier this time around because I don’t really have a choice – I have to get rid of it all. But it definitely makes me realize how hard pressed I am to hold on to things. In the last two weeks I’ve managed to give three full boxes away to Goodwill. That’s good for me. I’m getting rid of crap that I don’t need. That I don’t use. That I think I need later but never actually do (seeing as I’ve already been through this before and have lived through a few “laters” already). For this move, however, I am not being picking. I can replace it. It’s just stuff. If I had 60 seconds in the heat of a fire to grab everything that was dear and near to me, I wouldn’t come back from any of this crap. Pictures, no. My computer, yeah. Because then I could print meaningful photos off later. My iPod, most definitely. I’d need the music to get through the aftermath. Maybe I’d grab my jewelry box (I love my earrings!). But even now, as I look around my room trying to identify the things I’d come back, I can’t really come up with anything. And I think that’s a pretty huge realization. Even a little sad. 

At the end of all of this, I am actually fairly satisfied. I can replace all of this crap. And I fully intend to. Someday. It might take me a while but it’s worth it. In my opinion, the adventure that I am about to embark on is worth starting over.