(Not So) New German Girl: Nine Months Down, Three to Go

March 20th marked the nine month “anniversary” of my arrival to Munich. And on this date, last year, March 28, 2010 I started this blog – Diary of An American Au Pair slash New German Girl. It’s been one year since that first post and nine months since I first arrived and guess what? I’m not so new anymore!

How can I explain to you just how much my life has changed over the last nine months? You’ve been reading this blog (I hope) so you have an idea of how far I’ve come and the things that I’ve seen but how could I really explain it to you in words? I’m not even so sure that I can do that for myself. What I do know, is that the girl that I was when I left California is not the same girl that will return in June. I have changed, my life has changed, and my eyes are wide open. I may not have seen very much of the world but what I have here – I absolutely love and to be quite honest, I wouldn’t ask for a do-over even if you paid me.

The months leading up to my German adventure were busy, busy, busy. Of course I had Germany on my mind but I was so preoccupied. I was trying to finish my Capstone and was looking forward to my college graduation. I was organizing all of my material possessions, moving out of my apartment, walking away from my numerous jobs and co-workers, saying good bye to friends and loved ones, and preparing myself for the unknown. When I first arrived, after nearly 13 hours of travel with swollen feet and a weary smile, it didn’t feel that different. I couldn’t understand how to get through the airport, not because of the language – everything was written in both English and Deutsch – but because Franz Joseph Strauss airport is a ridiculous mess of signs and signals and moving sidewalks. Eventually, I found a taxi in some shady back corner and I gave my address to the driver and although he barely understood me – I was hopeless back then – he managed to finally understand and we were driving away. My adventure was right in front of me. It was about to begin.

Au Pair “Work,” the Love of Children, and Other New and Interesting Things

Thank God for weekends. I feel like this week has been so long!

My first full week was jam packed with actual “work.” Or at least the equivalent of what work is for an au pair – babysitting, making dinner, cleaning up after kids, digging weeds out of a sandbox, filling up mini pools with water, constructing child size nylon tents, coloring, drawing fifteen different versions of Mickey Mouse, reading Curious George ten times, pigtail braids, picking up slugs off the floor, going to tennis lessons and putting clean laundry away. Yet, despite all of this, three nights of babysitting and complete focus on my duties and responsibilities, I still feel as if I haven’t done enough. It’s very hard trying to please the Frau, I can’t read her very well. I always feel like she’s accusing me of something. I know that this probably isn’t the case but either way, it’s really frustrating.

I know that German mother’s are very different from the one’s in the US so it’s hard not to feel as if she loathes everything that I do. Did I put the dishes back in the right spot? Did I make the mashed potatoes wrong? Did I give Eenie too much cereal? If this were my job in California, say working as an au pair for the Butler’s, a previous family that I used to babysit for, would I feel this way? Most days I feel like I’m imposing, even though she wants me there. I just feel as if I’m not meeting her expectations, whatever they may be. She never really went over any rules with me, she just tells me that I’m doing them wrong as they are broken. Like last weekend when I brought two girlfriends over to the house so that we could get out of the rain, she came down on me for not asking permission. Which is a viable request, I understand, but I just assumed that because Helen was the one relaying all the rules and expectations to me, that they stood for me as well. Apparently not. It’s a learning process. I am, by no means, trying to make it seem as if I hate it here because I don’t. Not at all. But part of the experience is learning from the bad parts, too. Some days are better than others.

The best part of this week’s “intense” work schedule is that I’ve gotten so much closer to the girls as a result. They love me more and more everyday. It’s not hard to win over five year olds but, regardless, I feel good that I’ve managed to make some progress. Both of the girls are so different from each other, Vee is much more mischievous and rebellious and she takes more risks. Eenie is much quieter (in relation to her sister, anyway) and is sweeter on me than Vee. She holds my hand and sits close to me and is always asking me questions. I have my moments with Vee too, but in different ways. Yesterday Vee wanted her nails painted so we had a little manicure session and then I sat with her so she wouldn’t get nail polish all over the furniture. They both lean on me when I read them books, one on either side of me, and it’s the smallest, most quiet, and appreciated moment. I store it away and it makes me smile. I love to feel the quiet affection of children, it’s such an innocent feeling. It makes me feel very strong and protective of them. I fall in love with every moment like this and I know how much deeper that will grow as time goes on.

On Wednesday I went with the family to the girls’ tennis lesson. It was held at the “country club” or the equivalent of what that stands for in America. Private courts, private membership, etc. I didn’t much more than sit in the grass and wait for some kind of direction. I’m not really sure why I was supposed to be there. I didn’t serve much purpose other than holding a bag and a restless hand. I played “futbol” with Eenie for a little while at the end but other than that, I was fairly useless. I was relieved to find that an American family had congregated behind me and they were playing and conversing in the only language that I can fully understand. Later, I learned that they had just spent a year in Monterey as the father was stationed at DLI for German language courses. It’s really cool how small the world really is. On Thursday night I met a girl from Milwaukee that loves Hanson. This subject came up because I was drunk enough to confess that Milwaukee reminded me of them (I've been sitting here too long by a man from Milwaukee) and she said, “I love them too!” Again, such a small world!

Hearing this family behind me was such a comfort because you don’t realize how much you appreciate your home language until you no longer hear it anymore. Pretty much everywhere that I go, I have absolutely no idea what anyone is talking about. I can usually guess the topic of conversation based on the venue or a few choice words that I can make out but most of the time, I have no clue. I’m immersing myself within it, though, which is a good thing. I have no choice but to understand it. It’s almost like it’s needed for survival. During the day, when I am out exploring by myself, all I want to do is go into little Munich cafes or biergartens and order the delicious looking food but I never do because I have no idea what any of it is. I can’t read the menus and I have no clue if the person working there speaks English. And if they don’t, how will I get my order out to them? It’s really frustrating but it’s something I’ll get used to. For now, I’ve just been going out for traditional food and bier when I’m with someone who speaks German or at least is familiar with the food menus. Eventually, I’ll understand and I’ll be much more comfortable in the city. But right now, it’s really overwhelming!

I was very homesick yesterday – mostly I think this was because I’d been stuck inside the house for most of the week and was getting a little stir crazy. I had no choice but to hang out on Facebook and look at the pictures of home that are plastered all over my walls. I was also very tired from a late Thursday night – I’d went out for ToyTown again and Jessica and I hit the town with high spirits. Which equals cheap Vodka from her refrigerator and Paulaner beer that we were able to take out onto the streets, seeing as open container and drunk in public laws don’t exist here.

I got home that night around 1 am and was passed out before 2. But after waking up at 8 to get the girls ready for school, I went right back to bed around 10 and slept until 1. Therefore, I was seriously dragging all day. I don’t function very well on cat naps. I was able to bike through the Englischer Gartens on Thursday afternoon though, and it was beautiful and so romantic. I love it there. My favorite pictures:

  Biergartens

 

Before I’d went into the Gartens, I’d spent about four hours doing official paperwork stuff with the Frau. We waited forever at the registration offices to get my visa finalized and my residence papers verified. I was so grateful that I took my book. I managed to finish it and have since started another. I like being here, if only for all of the literature I will be consuming.

Today is the start to a beautiful weekend here in Munich. At the current moment in time, I am waiting for Jessica to arrive so that we can take the bikes into the Englischer Gartens and picnic. Bier, cheese, and whatever else. It’s the perfect start to a beautiful day. The weekend should be full of excitement seeing as the USA plays in the World Cup tonight and Deutschland plays tomorrow. Lots of partying and celebrating (hopefully!). And I do love to celebrate!

Jet Lag and Other Minor Frustrations, Coloring Books, and the Munich Nightlife!

What a long, crazy weekend. I love this city. I love being here. Everyday I love it more and more. I’m falling madly in love with Munich – through the people, through the culture, the food, the bier, the language, the customs, the lights, the sounds. And now that I’ve made a handful of friends here, things are decidedly much better, anyway – it’s easier to love a city when you have someone to adventure with! After the meet up on Thursday, I made more plans with Jessica and we went out on Friday night as well. Helen’s also introducing me to her friends, which is a blessing.

Jessica and I – New friends in Munich! 

There have been a few frustrations, namely the jet lag. It’s getting better, slowly. But on Thursday night, it killed me. Helen and I came back from the bars around 2 am and I was ready to sleep, in my bed, around 3. But I never fell asleep, I wasn’t the least bit tired. I stayed up until 7 am and here in Munich, the sun comes up just before 5 am. So not only was I battling jet lag but I was also fighting against the sun. Thank God for the sleep mask I got on my flight. I’ve been using it every night. It’s a big help in allowing me to sleep.

Unfortunately, jet lag and an early morning sunrise wasn’t the only thing keeping me awake. The bed that I sleep on is broken – the support beam beneath the mattress that runs vertically along the middle of the bed, is broken and is slowly snapping in half. The bed creaks and makes horrible noises every time I turn over, not to mention, it’s really uncomfortable when your whole body sinks maliciously into the middle of the mattress. I tried a million different ways to fix it. The Frau and I even nailed it back together and taped it up but that didn’t hold. Right now I have three pillows supporting it under the bed and it’s doing better. It still makes a lot of noise but it’s more comfortable and is being supported from breaking further. All things considered, I managed to sleep until 12 that morning and then began my day, which included yet another frustration.

A bottle of bright red nail polish fell off of my shelf in the bathroom, hit the porcelain floor, and SHATTERED. Bright red nail polish everywhere. It was horrible. I wanted to cry. I didn’t have any nail polish remover. What was I supposed to do? I ended up going out into the city and went to the DM at Munchner Freiheit to get some nail polish remover and cotton balls. I made up some lame excuse and told the Frau that I had to go to O2 to have them fix my phone. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want her to cancel my contract on account of idiocy and general tiredness.  The whole trip took less than a half an hour and I was able to sneak back inside, upstairs, and sat in the bathroom for a half an hour inhaling polish remover fumes and sweating profusely. Eventually, I managed to clean most of it up. Well, I cleaned all of it but the spaces between the tiles are now tinged a delicate shade of pink. I guess things like this are supposed to happen every once in a while though. Oops.

Another thing that I’m trying to get used to is that there are lack of meals or a steady routine. I’m hoping this will change with time but for now, it’s really hard to get used to. Because of my work schedule, I don’t always eat regular meals with the family so it’s hard to get a proper meal schedule going. So far, I’ve managed to have dinner with the family most nights but it’s not really traditional German food. It’s a lot of pasta and salad, bread and cheese. Mostly just pasta. Breakfast is mostly nonexistent, unless I’m invited downstairs or getting the girls ready for school. And it’s usually cereal except on Saturday it was pretzels, cream cheese, and salami. Weird. Because the girls are at school during the day on weekdays, lunch is pretty much of my own making. And since I’m still trying to figure out how to walk around the family that I am living with and exist comfortably with them, it’s been hard figuring out how everything works and what is expected of me. Fortunately, because of this, I’m going to be losing some weight. Seeing as I eat one meal on average and consume mostly fruit and water and walk just about everywhere that I go.

Fortunately, the girls are getting used to me and they are warming up to me. On Thursday I spent part of the afternoon coloring with Vee, in the Disneyland coloring book that I sent her in the spring and we also made some blueberry muffins together. She smiles and laughs with me, it’s so cute. I made them pancakes that night and they loved them. They turned out REALLY good, I even surprised myself. On Friday, they had a play date and Eenie spent most of her time with the neighbor boy but Vee stayed with me and taught how to play Snap and we played Uno. She beat me every time! So Vee has definitely been warming up to me the most and seems to like me a lot. Eenie took her chances with me on Saturday and we fell pretty hard in love with each other. Ha. We all went to the grocery store together and there is a place on the cart for the kids to ride and they would fight over who wanted to be there, of course. But when they did, they would lean into me and talk to me in English, asking me questions. It was cute. I’m definitely falling in love with them. They’re such sweet little girls. And I love reading to them and playing games with them. They are SO smart. They amaze me. They’re five and they speak two languages fluently! They’re incredible, as far as I’m concerned. Tomorrow I will work for the first time and get them fed and ready for school. Hopefully it goes well!

On a less responsible note, my first weekend in Munich was EPIC. I went out with Jessica on Friday and Saturday night and had such a good time. I love this girl, I’m so glad I met her. We get along great and are enjoying the night life! A recap of our weekend adventures:

• getting lost in the streets looking for a ToyTown meet-up
• taking the tram in the wrong direction
• finding a three story tall McDonalds where we met handsome and sexy British men
• bar hopping with said British men
• trying to get past the “guest lists” at night clubs
• dancing at Sausalitos to music that was three years outdated
• Jägermeister shots in Germany! (Really! How often do you get to do that?!)
• meeting one person from Monterey and another from San Luis Obispo
• stumbling across the four most handsome and well dressed men Germany could ever produce and then hating ourselves for not getting their phone numbers
• eating traditional, delicious German food
• hanging out with drunk, middle aged British men at a classy Munich bar
• bier! bier! bier!

Bier and food – classic German delicacy! 

German food at the Schneider Weiss Brauhaus – DELICIOUS! 

Ultimately, I love this city. Did I say that already? I am having such a good time here, I can’t believe that this is my life right now. When did this happen? And to me? Five years ago, even two years ago, I never would have pictures myself doing this, living this dream. It’s incredible. I am so blessed to have this opportunity.

Now if only the rain would go away and the sun would come out!

So Long, Farewell, Aufweidersehen, Goodbye

This girl is going international. TOMORROW.

And I feel that Jack Kerouac captures my leaving feelings exactly.

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."

And so I lean.

Away from what I know to be true. I am going to be very far away from everything and everyone that I know, love, and have held onto for so many years. And it’s a very bittersweet goodbye. Of course I love my family and friends that are here in the United States. That will never change. But it’s time for me to get out for a while, see the world, grow up a little bit more. I am sad to be leaving but at the same time, I couldn’t be more anxious to get away. My time ran out here. I couldn’t imagine being a college graduate, working a post-grad job in Monterey, doing all of the same things I’ve been doing for the last few years. Not that I didn’t love every minute of it but it’s just time to move on.  I’ve never felt so sure about my direction before. I know that this is it, there isn’t anywhere else that I am meant to be.

I know that it isn’t going to be easy all the time. I don’t doubt that I will have hard days. Ultimately, I am going to Germany to work. And I know how hard it can be to take care of someone else’s children. I’ve been doing it for a long time. Some days Die Kinder may not like me very much. Some days I might not be too hot on them either. With the good comes the bad.

Over the last few weeks I’ve let the excitement and stress of my upcoming adventure overcome the reality of what it is that I am about to do. It really isn’t that tangible to me yet. I don’t think it will hit me until I am thousands of feet in the air, flying somewhere over the Atlantic ocean. I’ll wake up from a drug-induced sleep coma and think, “Oh my God, I’m really doing this.”

I know very little about being an au pair. Any information or experience that I’ve gathered has come from books and from the stories of my friends. Everything that I’ve discovered about the job, I am excited to experience for myself. Even the not so fun stuff like homesickness, unruly children, uncool host parents, and culture shock. Everything is a lesson to be learned. I will discover something about myself in the process and I will come to know my surroundings, my environment, my host family, and my new friends so much better this way. And I will fondly miss and deeply appreciate the life that I previously lived which built the foundations for this adventure and life experience.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know who I will be when this journey is finished. Everyone keeps asking me what I am going to do when I return to the states and I can not give them an honest answer. I will not let the future be decided just yet. Things will unfold as they happen and whether I come home again to California or travel the world for a few more years, that is what is meant for me.

I am so excited to begin my journey. I don’t know what to expect, to be honest. But I’m willing to accept everything and let it all in, the good and the bad. This is my next crazy venture beneath the skies.

Good-bye, America! Hello Deutschland!

VLog: Episode One – Reality Bites

 

Kudos to me for having an awesome weird hair-do.

Picture Trails and (Un)spoken Fears

I am taking a break from my mad-Capstone [aka graduation thesis] writing frenzy to take a shower and go to bed. And blog. But not in that order. Ah, but it’s okay that I’m slaving away because this project is the synthesis of five years of hard work and college smarts and it means that I am less than two months away from being DONE and graduated. It’s actually a really interesting project and although I’ve suffered through about five computer-screen-induced headaches today, it’s actually been a joy [dorky word] to write. I’m focusing on the digital divide and how technology has affected and changed traditions and institutions of education. Sounds boring, I know. It probably is, to you. Anyway… breaking from that means that I will stop talking about it… right now.

Did you know that I have a brand new camera that I fully intend to use while I am in Germany? That’s actually half of the argument as to how I convinced my dearest, most loveliest mother to buy it for me as a grad present. I suppose that her pride in my many accomplishments may have sealed the deal too but secretly, I know that she also wants to follow my picture trail as I journey throughout Europe and chase after Die Kinder [this is their official title now, so keep up]. That means ‘The Children’ in German. As far as I’ve been told, anyway…

This is my beautiful camera, no?

I am in love. She will be with me as I travel and I hope to document many a great wonders. Like vending machines full of German beer in glass bottles. I hear these exist in Germany. I am very excited to see them and share their wonder. Maybe I’ll even use one! Oh!

Right. Okay, so yeah, the things that I will take pictures of while I am there amaze me and I haven’t even seen them yet. I just know they are there. However, these amazing things still don’t squash those itty bitty, previously unspoken fears that still swim around inside me. Most of it is of a monetary matter. I am worried about financial things like how I will pay my debts that I will leave behind in America. Will I be able to leave enough money in my bank accounts for automatic transfers every month? And if I can’t, or if I run out of money, how will I send my euros to California so that I don’t end up in collections when I return? What if I don’t have enough money to buy my return flight home? Will I be stuck wandering around Europe for another year or will someone loan me some money? I sure hope that I can save enough to be able to help myself but you never know with me. I’m much more of a spender and when I’m in Europe, exploring places and cities that I’ve never been to but have only read about in books and seen in movies, I will have no need for thriftiness. I worry about myself. I know that my mom is probably doing enough worrying for the both of us so what’s my deal?

And that’s another thing. I’m a little worried about leaving everything that I know behind me. I’m a homebody, a lover of comfort and habit. I want to leave California as much as the next person but this has been my home now, for a long time. My friends are here, my family is here, my work is here. Okay, work, I can run from. But those other things are hard to let go of, even for a year. Believe it or not, but when I am in a new place, I am very shy. Who knows how long it will take me to make friends and feel comfortable going out by myself or with new people once I am in Munich? Ah! It’s all a little scary. Realistically, I don’t have that much to fear. I’m a pretty cool person, or so I’ve been told, and I don’t have trouble make friends. Why am I trying to hold onto the idea that it will be so much harder to do over there?

This is supposed to be fun, right? And God, I know it will be. Every second of every day won’t be sunshine and roses but for the most part, I’m going to have a kick ass time. I guess a little fear is a natural reaction to such a major life change. I will have a lot to adjust to. A lot of culture shock to overcome. Things will be different. People will be strangers. I’m going to miss my mom but she’s only a Skype phone call away. I will probably get lost a few times and I might even burn Die Kinder’s breakfast once or twice and they may not like me very much for it. But I’ll be okay. I know a lot of really fun games to play at the playground and I love to color. If all else fails, we have coloring books. I might have a few strike outs in meeting people but in the end, I’m going to have some pretty cool contacts and some great drinking buddies, I imagine. Besides, I already have some friends in England who are just a train or short plane ride away. When I need a good cry or a gab fest and some good hugs, I know where to go.

THIS IS GOING TO BE EPIC.

What do I have to fear? I can take it. I’m a big girl. I know how to take care of myself. Fear will not take me down on this one. I refuse!